Young Marriage

Hey, what's up guys! I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and was wondering if any of you guys have any thoughts, especially those of you who have experience with young marriage. 

Soooo, I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and have been thinking about getting married pretty soon. I am 20, he will be 20 in January, and we were thinking about going for it around 22. Though my parents (and me, of course), are completely in love with him and supportive, I have had a number of people tell me that we are much too young to be thinking about it. 

So yeah, just looking for additional input, pro or con. Thanks so much!

~Velvet

I got married when I was 20. I'm only 23 now, but I haven't regretted it yet. We look at marriage a little differently than most people though. Not much changed when we got married, as we had been living together for 3 years already. We both agree that marriage should never be a reason for a person to stay in a relationship if they are unhappy. We also agreed not to have children until I'm at least 27.

Original Post by healthystriver:

Why would you EVER want to get married that young unless you were drunk and on crack and had NO idea what you were doing whatsoever!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RUN!

Because we love the person we're with and figure why wait, we already know we're going to get married anyway?

My husband and I were married at 18 and 19 (he was 18, I was 19). We're both 21 now. We have gone through one whole deployment and are currently in the middle of our second one, with our first child on the way. Neither of us were drunk or on any drugs when we came to the decision to get married early. I was going to stand by and wait for him, whether we were married or not, for the five years he had planned on being a part of the military.

Getting married young highly depends on the two people involved. I had friends who, had the come to me with questions in regards to getting married early, I would tell them to hold off because they just weren't ready for it. Twenty-two is not all that young at all, depending on which part of the country you're in. At 22, one could potentially already have their bachelor's.

Is it tough being married young? Yes, because people change quite rapidly at this point in time, and both me and my husband have already experienced some of those changes. We've made the commitment to grow old together, even if we don't immediately like the changes. =P But really, marriage is hard for anyone, and requires a large amount of commitment and understanding that it takes a lot of work to make it happen.

Honestly, there was another poster on here whom I had to resist the urge to tell her not to get married any time soon--she was about the same age as the OP. If you know what you want, why not go for it?

It's true, like the other poster says, it depends on the 2 people involved. You have to know that you both won't stay the same forever, and you might change ie..your values or beliefs might change or your interest and hobbies etc. or the things that you have in common might change..... And you gotta ask yourself if you are willing to change and grow together? Or are you pretty much stuck in your ways. I got married when I was 21, and everyone told me not to. I'm glad I didn't listen. It's now 4 years later and I'm so happy. Yes I have changed my beliefs and values/interest and he has changed from when we first got married. But we stuck it all out and communicated all through it. It's not easy, because marriage is not easy. But we both kept our expectations realistic and still do. And in the end, remember it comes down to the relationship you both have, I say screw everyone else and do what makes you happy but be realistic !

Definitely against young marriage. Such a union should not be taken lightly, the love and tenderness is good and all, however there is a lot of legal and financial stuff involved in a marriage that can really mess things up if you are not savvy and responsible enough. And just how many people actually spend 60 years together happily? Just look at the number of divorces. Not a smart move.

Original Post by dkn:

Definitely against young marriage. Such a union should not be taken lightly, the love and tenderness is good and all, however there is a lot of legal and financial stuff involved in a marriage that can really mess things up if you are not savvy and responsible enough. And just how many people actually spend 60 years together happily? Just look at the number of divorces. Not a smart move.

Why do you have to spend 60 years together to think your marriage was a good idea? I could get divorced next year, and I still wouldn't regret getting married. What if my husband dies tomorrow (God forbid), and I hadn't married him? I would certainly regret that.

Original Post by healthystriver:

Why would you EVER want to get married that young unless you were drunk and on crack and had NO idea what you were doing whatsoever!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RUN!

 seconded

It really really depends on the couple.  My cousin got married at 19; I think her husband was also 19-20.  They're now in their mid-30s and are still very happy together.  I consider her story to be a rare one, though.

Outside of being in love, there are other things you need to make a marriage successful - and they're rare in the very young.  You need to have a plan that allows both of you to continue to grow.  Both my cousin and her husband went on to postsecondary education in fields they loved (even though neither is working in the corresponding field today).  They were on the same page about having children - both wanted them but not right away.  They now have four lovely kids, but didn't start trying until their mid-twenties.  They had similar goals and understood how to compromise - and they understoof that relationships were work as well as fun.

In my opinon, very few people that young are truly ready for marriage - but there are always exceptions, and those exceptions can produce marriages just as successful as those who waited until later.

Who cares what other people think?  They're not the ones getting married.

I got married five days before my 22nd birthday.  My husband was a month shy of 23.  Oddly, nobody told us we were too young but that is probably because of the people we are.  So far it's been exactly like not being married only I didn't have to do taxes this year.

Original Post by watergirl:

Original Post by healthystriver:

Why would you EVER want to get married that young unless you were drunk and on crack and had NO idea what you were doing whatsoever!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RUN!

 seconded

 Never agreed with anything more in my life.....

young marriage is great, especially if your goal is a pre-middle-age divorce.

 It honestly depends on the circumstances and people involved.

 Everyone is ready for different things in life at different times. The rate of speed differs from person to person/couple to couple given their circumstances.

My sister got married at 20 I think. She's only 21 right now but it's one of those relationships where it's obvious to anyone who knows them that they'll probably be together forever. The reason isn't that they're soooo in love, or that they "feel" that it's right, or that they're totally attracted to one another. The reason is that they know who they are, who their partner is, and they're completely and totally stable and comfortable. Age doesn't have to be a large issue, people make a big deal of it often because of their own fears of commitment, experience with friends who had terrible marriages, and the knowledge that younger people are still growing and more prone to make mistakes. It's really more about individuals than age. Just remember that often people change in their young adult years. You may be with this person the rest of your life, if there is something you fight about now it may be worse later. If there's something that bothers you about him before marriage it may drive you insane after. Nowadays 20 is seen as incredibly young when just 50 years ago girls in their midtwenties were desperate. And by waiting 2 years is a great idea, because it's longer than some couples know each other before tying the knot. And being 34 doesn't always make up for that. Good luck and best wishes. :)

I got married to my highschool sweetheart at 21, when we had been together for 5 years. A lot of people told me the same thing, "don't get married young", but I say, and still stick to it, that it's none of their business! You do what you feel is right for the two of you! I've been married for 3 years this Aug. 26th, and with the man for almost 9 now. What I've learned from my relationship with him is, EVERYONE around you has thier own trials and tribulations with relationships, and the only advice you should be worrying about is yours and his!

I hope that helps!

I'd say....why limit yourself. No need to get married so early. Live with guy, and see what happens. 5 years down the road...you can get married or go down diff paths. Marriage is great...but it's just a piece of paper...

Well I'm married and I'm 19.  I attempted to leave the jerk, but I decided that I'd be a good person and treat him like a charity case and give him a "second chance".  He has yet to show me a good reason why I should keep him around.  We'll see what happens.  And you can only fake therapy for so long.

I'm bitter and angry, so I wouldn't listen to me.. but honestly, I think you two should go to a few couples therapy sessions or couples counseling sessions at your church if you attend church (I'm not religious but I know they offer them..), and just come up with some good plans on how you're going to solve certain common issues when they come up.  I had no idea my husband would pull even 1/4 of the crap he pulls.. it's shocking.. so what you know about this guy.. well, okay you know him, but be prepared to learn a whole lot more, even if you two are already living together.

Sometimes it works, sometimes not. We got married at 20 and 22. We are now 54 and 56 and still married. Plenty of up and down. If you can both handle the dramatic shifts in degrees of happiness and are both secure and able to compromise every now and then, you have a chance to stay married. I will not tell you it is easy to do nor that bluebirds will sing on your shoulder the rest of your married days. However, it can work well.

That said, when our daughter was five and asked me when one was supposed to get married, I told her, "well, first you get your PhD....." So, as a Mom, I'd like to say, first, get your PhD, then establish yourself in your career, and then if he is still willing to go with you when you are transferred, he's a keeper so marry him.

Wait til you're around 24-25. If you really believe your love will last forever, there's no reason why it can't wait until you're more mature to handle it.

Original Post by jackattack07:

Wait til you're around 24-25. If you really believe your love will last forever, there's no reason why it can't wait until you're more mature to handle it.

Seconded. And never get married if losing your virginity has anything to do with it. Not saying it does, but I know it happens and I can't think of anything worse than just getting married to get laid.

Original Post by merylwhite1:

Original Post by jackattack07:

Wait til you're around 24-25. If you really believe your love will last forever, there's no reason why it can't wait until you're more mature to handle it.

Seconded. And never get married if losing your virginity has anything to do with it. Not saying it does, but I know it happens and I can't think of anything worse than just getting married to get laid.

I don't get it, that'd be a **** wedding night too. The first time was pretty painful for me.