"You're just big boned, It's all muscle, and you don't LOOK like you weigh that much"

Hi all,

Wanted to know if anyone can either commiserate w/me or give me some advice.

I am between 140-150 and about 5'3" -4" inches tall.  All the calculators, etc say I should be 115-120.  When I was working out 5 days a week, the lowest I ever got (6 months of trying) was 139lbs, but I was wearing a size 6 in pants, which I thought was fine.  My problem seems to be that my body does not want to go lower than 139!!!!! I have never been a big numbers girl, I never cared about the actual WEIGHT, I just wanted to be able to wear normal sizes-- 6,8,10 etc.  Now that I am older, I seem a little more obsessed with the number on the scale, mostly because I can't find anyone else out there who is my height with my activity level who isn't 110lbs!! It makes me crazy!

To further stress me, I am SICK to death of hearing, " you're big boned" or "it's all muscle", or "you don't look like you weight that much"....... Why can't I be normal?  I run, but that just keeps me from looking like the rest of the women in my family.......LARGE!  How come all the other "runners" look like stick women?

Am I starving myself when I am exercising heavy?  I don't think I am, I compensate my calories for my activity for the most part..... Anyone else in this boat?

How about this:  Big bones, muscle, and not looking like you weigh what you do ARE normal.  You're normal!  And I know that because I'm the same way.  I'm 5'8", 195, but I look normal.  I'm hella muscular!  And you know what?  I'm proud of it.  I'm strong and healthy and it sound like you are too.  My friends who are small, no offense to them, but they're weak, and if you weighed 110, you would be too.  So be proud of your muscles and your strength, because the other option is to be weak and small.

Yes, runners tend to look like chicken people.  Do you want to look like a chicken person?

amyb, I hear ya!!

I am almost the exact same stats as you, about 5'3.5", and I just reached 140 lbs last week, hoping for 139 this week... :).  I'm am sooooo SICK of hearing that I look fine, that I can't possibly weigh what I do, that it has to be muscle because of the fact that I run at least 4 miles a day, if not more.  I'm fitting into a size 8 in pants, and sometimes a 6 depending on the brand.  Yet they say I should be weighting in the 110's or 120's?  My mom freaked out when she heard that, she says I'll look sick if I go that low... but I don't know.  And I completely understand how the rest of your family is large... mine too!!!  I get called skinny-mini at all the family get togethers because nobody there but me is below a size 16/18... and the only reason I'm where I am is because I run.  I feel your pain!

We could be twins...

Be proud that you look good. The number shouldn't matter in your case. If you're a 6-10 in pants, run a lot and still weigh that then you ARE big boned, full of muscle and don't look like you weight that much.
Look at it this way: I'm around 5'4" and when I was in the 140-150 range, I wore up to a 13. I wasn't active so it wasn't all muscle and I am not big boned.
Keep up with your exercise and eating healthy. :]

Wow, I'm always used to hearing the SAME thing. Usually I didn't believe them, but now I'm starting to think maybe there is some truth to this. I'm about 5'4 and in the 130s. I wear about size 7 or 9 in juniors. It's always so annoying to exercise every day and watch what I eat and still make barely any progress. And whenever I ask anyone's opinion, they just tell me I'm big-boned or muscular. It's so frustrating!

I always get the "it's muscle" and "you don't look that big" type thing. But it's true so I don't mind. I was a swimmer so I have the broad shoulders and big legs. Even when I was my smallest (150) I was still in size 10 jeans because I have a huge butt and legs. But I looked good for my size. My arms were toned, my stomach was flat, and my face was thin. So I know I'll never be tiny and that's fine w/ me b/c I love looking muscular and toned! I'm 5'5" btw.

I'm about the same, while I definately don't look slim I don't look too fat eather. When i tell ppl my real weight, they are just joking, no one believed me so far that I am 200lbs in weight, most of them think I am arround 160(which is my target weight ^^).


And well it might be true, I met someone who weights 200 lbs too, he is a little smaller than me, hardly an inch, but looks so much balder, it's really strange. I guess it really has to be thicker bones then. More muscles is not correct for me, since I am slowly gaining some cause I never used to do any sports but started to do so recently.

I hear you too about what I "should" weigh, like 115 to 120 definitely seems like a stretch and wouldn't look that great. I'd love to be a solid size 8, with maybe some sixes in the mix and I anticipate that being 135 lbs on a 5'4" frame, and I do have muscles -- I can't wear straight skirts b/c my butt sticks out on one side and my thigh muscles bulge out on the other :)  I'm a runner, but not a stick - but the running definitely helps tone my lower half (where I carry  most of my weight).

There's definite variation in what's right for each individual.

Okay, I just calculated your BMI at 5'3' and 140 and it's in the normal range.  It's 24.8.  That is why people way you look normal, because you ARE normal.  I don't get why people want to be at the very bottom of the BMI range.  It's a range for a reason, some of us are big boned, big boobed, muscular, etc.  And those people look good and feel good at a higher BMI.  Others are very small boned, have less muscle, and for them a lower BMI is better.  If you're a size 6 or 8, I don't see how that could be considered heavy.  So I'd quit striving for 110 to 120, who told you to weight that anyway?  THe important thing is that you feel good and are happy about your appearance.  I know that number for myself, and it is NOT the lowest possible BMI.  I mean, I looked okay at that weight, but I'm very tall and for me it's more like 146, the top end is 176 and I looked good there too.  I'm tall and really big boned and when I workout I build a good bit of muscle.  Heck, people who build a lot of muscle can be classified as obese by the BMI when their body fat is stupidly low like under 10%, it's an imperfect tool and it frustrates me how it's viewed as some kind of holy grail nowadays.

twindaze,

just so you don't think I'm crazy, I am actually 144 and I just got there in the past few weeks.  I have been hovering at 150lb.

Further, I don't really care if I am at the bottom or the top of my "BMI", I think the whole idea of big boned is just a way fat moms try to tell their kids they love them the way they are.  I am NOT petite (Darn).

Also, I had my body fat taken and I am at 33%...............

I think the reason I am worried is BECAUSE I am not happy with my appearance.  I don't want to be stick woman, but I want to be like everyone else..............

Thanks to everyone who posted and made me feel like I am not the only frustrated one out there!!  I have to WORK at keeping the weight off, so maybe that's more the point..... I am sick of people telling me I look fine and why do I worry about what I eat and why do I exercise/run so much?  BECAUSE  THIS STUFF DOESN'T COME EASY TO PEOPLE LIKE US, AND IT'S BECAUSE WE WORK AT IT THAT WE LOOK THE WAY WE DO!!!   (sorry for the caps,  hope I didn't get anyone in the eye!)

melbo18 - my mom too!!!! (but she thinks 180lb is just fine too--- love her to pieces!!)

Also, BTW, for work, they use a chart and if you are over by a certain percentage, you have to do what we affectionately refer to as a "fat boy memo" every month until you lose the weight and conform to their standards or body fat %.... it's really humiliating for the people that have to do it.  (I thankfully, when I started, had my body fat % taken and was under  :)  )

Don't get mad at people telling you it's muscle or that you are big-boned- it's not an insult, and it's most likely true! Just as an example:

I am on the small-boned side, without much muscle, so I am fairly light. My friend however is the same height as me (both 5'9") but is built like an Amazon, is incredibly strong and beautiful and models occasionally in fitness magazines- she weighs 30 pounds more than I do, but you wouldn't think she was that much heavier than me at all (until you tried to lift her at least, I have!)

I look okay at my weight/BMI because I am a small build. If she were to somehow get to my weight/BMI it would look dreadful, she would be a skeleton (with big bones ;-)).

I would love to be as strong and have as much endurance as her- we do the same exercise but I will never come near her ability because of my body type- I'm relatively weak and tire easily :-(

So from our example you can see how misleading the "numbers" are and why it's important not to get too hung up on them- there is so much variation in body types, musculature, fitness levels etc. Love your body- bones, muscles and all!

where do you work?

I disagree that the whole big boned thing isn't for real.  My head is so big I can't find hats and ditto with my hands and gloves.  Clearly I have a very large frame.   I haveb faqt over top of it though, can't blame that on my bones. 

Same here. I am 5'3'' and I am 23 years old, 198 lbs. But I have a little waist and big hips. Some people are built so differently. i mean, sometimes you can not pay attention to certain standard because we vary in race and sizes. I beleive some people are big boned because I can weigh 150 and look like a full blown crack head, no kidding. When I am 150 I have many people ask me if Im doing drugs because they can see my rib bones and collar bones ect. I do not know if this applies to you but, some people of different races such as blacks have bone density. I mean most can't swim because we can't float so maybe that is a factor. What ever it is don't let others discourage you because if you feel confident and healthy with a certain weight that is what counts. As long as you are active and living a healthy life style i do not see why you need to be 120 lbs like other woman your same height.

5'3" - 5'4"

I am sorry but 120-115 is the really low end of the scale. What calculators are you using? Unrealistic standards, not all of us are made of fluff. Maybe you should be proud that you maintain your body so well that you look better than MOST people that weigh less.

I have the same problem, I am 5'4" and weight 179 pounds.  When I tell people what I weigh they almost fall over and call me a liar.  (if I was going to lie about my weight wouldn't I say I weighed less).  People say I look like I weigh what my goal weight is.  I am really muscular and carry my weight well, I know women who weigh the same as me and are much larger and flabbier.  So, it really doesn't bother me when people tell me I look like I weigh less, it is a good thing.

I'm 5'3 and half as well..  the lowest weight I have been at was 128 and couldn't have imagined being at 115-120. I would have been a total stick.. I'm medium framed. I understand that you are frustrated because always working towards bieng at a healthy weight is difficult, but it is also well worth it.. I also wish that i could work less but it's not reality.. :)

You don't know how many people have told me I don't need to lose weight, mostly from people who need to lose weight. My goal is always to feel comfortable with myself..

Hi-I am 5'5 and weigh 162-I have gained 27 lbs and am now trying to get it off. At 135 I am thin-a size 4 or 6. Everybody IS different.

That said, I am really saddened by some of the things I have read hear. One girl was 5'4 and 105 and said she was fat-CMON!!! Calling herself gross and whatnot-How sad. That talk is so unhealthy-not only for herself, but society as a whole. We need to embrace being healthy by exercising, eating healthy  and positive self images! We are not all going to be Gisele-it doesn't work that way-learn to love who you are-not the number on a pair of jeans.

Thank you everyone who made me feel good!!!!! I will try to think of all the positive posts here when someone tells me that I can't possibly be 142lbs (as of this AM)  YES!!

I will work on taking the compliment and just going with it....... saying, "why,  thank you!"   instead of "no really, I am 142lbs" (or whatever weight I am) and my famous,  "actually, this is as fat as I've ever been"...

Good luck to everyone!

I am totally in the same boat. Even back in high school when I was running cross country and was at my very, very skinniest, I weighed 139 and was 5' 4".
Forget the damned charts.
I felt so screwed up as a teen and was constantly dieting because I couldn't understand why I couldn't get down to 120-125 pounds, which is what the charts said I should weigh. I thought I was overweight and was constantly depressed about it, despite the fact that I looked great.

Now, my goal is to get back down to 145 pounds, which seems to be my most maintainable weight. At 145 pounds, I wear a size 10 to 12, and I'm happy with the way I look at that size.

Some of us just weigh in really heavy, so quit letting a stupid chart tell you you're overweight. I hate those charts. I think they're unrealistic for some of us.

A better tool for you is something to calculate body fat percentage. We have those available at my gym. It's more useful than the scale too, because since I've been lifting weights and exercising, the muscle I've gained has offset some of my fat loss, so the needle is going down veeeeery slowly, despite the fact that I've lost 4 sizes.

Have you ever calculated your frame size? Here is a site that tells you how to measure your wrist and calculate whether you have a small, medium or big frame:

http://www.hpathy.com/healthtools/body-weight .asp

Also be aware that one's bone density can be another factor. The denser your bones, the heavier they are, and this does translate into your scale weight, but it's lean mass, not flab. Bone density is not the same as frame size. Someone with a small frame can have dense bones, someone with a big frame can have porous, light bones. You don't want porous, light bones, because it means you are going to develop or you have osteoporosis, which is a crippling disease.

Finally, one's muscle mass plays into all of this too. The more muscle mass you have, the heavier you are. But if you have a lot of lean muscle, you are probably going to look a lot thinner than what the scales show. Muscle is a good thing.

I agree with the poster that recommended calculating your body fat percentage. That is a much better indicator of one's fitness and health than scale weight or even BMI.

Incidentally, I'm 5'0 tall and have a medium frame. I don't know the density of my bones. I weigh about 111 and my body fat percentage is around 19%. In my body building days, I have been as high as 125 but with 13% body fat, and wearing a size smaller than I do now. So you can see that scale weight is pretty much meaningless! The "eyeball" test is far more accurate. If you look fat, you are. If you look thin, you may or may not be fat. There is such a thing as skinny fat.