"You're losing too much!" and Other Charming Comments

This is a subject I've been batting around for a while and wanted to send it y'all's way. I'd love y'all to take a look:

You lost weight. Now what? | Food Fights: Carla Marie vs. "But it won't last, right? You know that."

A key question in post-weight life: After you've succeeded at something, and you cherish the wonderful things that have come from it, how do you deal with others criticizing the life you've built for yourself? Are they making their issues your issues? Or are you making your issues their issues? It's a complex question, one with no easy answers.

Do you let the comments after your weight loss upset you at best or sabotage your progress at worst? How do you deal with them?

We have articles throughout the next two weeks picking these questions apart - we'll hear from a number of other weight loss success stories dealing with the unglamorous elements of weight loss, some excellent experts that give practical advice on how to deal with it. (Seriously, it's no-BS advice, like "hug yourself three times a day." It's a bit more practical.)

But beyond that, this is a subject near and dear to me because it's so complicated and speaks to something that can hurt. But there's a lot of learning that can come from talking about it.

For me, stories like Carla Marie's remind me of what gets overlooked so often in the process -- you get a glimpse of how extraordinary you can be, how extraordinary your support system can be. And that's a gift. And yet also how cheap and petty people behave as well.

It's a bittersweet irony that the comments you can/do deal with pre-weight can still rear their ugly head post-weight.

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Best,

Russ Lane

Yeah, people say the darndest things alright!

I have to say, most of the comments I have gotten have been positive! Funny thing is the same people (mostly males) who were telling me I looked great 20 lbs ago and didn't need to lose anymore weight are now telling me I also look great. Hmmm...maybe this is proof guys like our bodies at different sizes more than we do, or they are just being nice? Who knows. Hubby has told me to stop losing weight, but that has to do with my newly decreased breast size lol. 

I am actually a bit cheeky, cos I keep getting the comment "Wow..you have lost so much weight!" especially from people who haven't seen me in quite some time. My reaction to a few has been "what are you trying to say?" knowing they are cornered with the alternative statement that I must of been sooo huge before...hehe. It is priceless seeing the look on their faces when I say this. Most just stutter a bit and go..".no ah you're like really slim...you look fantastic!"  

Truth is, I am probably a lot slimmer than some people's tastes, so they could always reply with..."actually you are too skinny". I have been told 'you're so skinny". Where some people would be insulted by this... I love it... because that is what I wanted. I have also been told  "you're a shadow of your former self" which I wasn't too keen on, as this left me disconcertedly thinking...do they mean I was too big before, or am I too skinny now? I probably should have asked, just wanted the clarification so I could agree or not agree with the person. In any case I would rather people's honest opinions anyday than have them lie to me and I'm a pretty straight up frank person myself and respect the same from others.

I would be lying if I said I didn't like all the positive attention I'm getting, or that other people's opinions didn't matter, but my main motivation for losing weight was never about anyone elses opinion of me and how I looked, it was purely how icky I felt about how I looked, and I believe that because I now feel so much more positive and confident about my body, anyone with a negative comment would be written off as either being "nasty for nastys sake" or "jealous". There are also people who view skinny as "just not their cup of tea" which is fine, we are entitled to our own preferences.  I don't give a rat's ring about that kind of thing (besides I'm happily married and don't need to lol).

Quite simply this has been quite selfishly all about me! After all, it was me and me alone that accomplished this (okay hubby's support was also paramount to my success and I love and will thank him for it). The point is, I am finding that I don't really care what people think about how I look anymore. Funny really, cos what I perceived others thought about my body when I was slightly overweight mattered a great deal until I did something about it!

ANYWAY I HAVE TO SAY...I DID IT...AND I'M TRULY LOVING THE NEW SKINNY MINNY ME, JUST LOVING IT! Yahhhhh me!

This is the first time I've actually said this about myself I must of finally reached my goal weight. Tis a good thing, cos If I lost anymore I would be unhealthy...and that's not cool!

Original Post by alaska83chick:

Here's one for you! I had lost 40 of the 46 pounds I had set out to lose about 10 years ago.  I was exercising (probably too much) and eating right.  One day my sister-in-law tells me "Chris (her husband) and I think you look like you're sick, like a cancer patient".  Thanks!  That's exactly the look I was going for! 
It crushed me!  I'm sad to say that I was so weak minded that I let it effect me so negatively that I almost immediately began gaining weight.  My mother had just passed away from cancer about 3 months before that. 
I am back on my journey again.  Here's to us all!  By the way - You all look great! ;-)

 When people lose weight too quickly & too much muscle mass, they could end up looking gaunt for the skin didn't have a chance to 're-tone'. All the lose skin also makes them look more wrinkly. Thus, attracting some of these negative comments. I have seen several people who tries to lose weight fall into this category.  Of course, there are always those who are insecure or jealous & doesn't want people's new prettier look to augment their chubbyness.

It's weird. I've gotten it from a man I dated (and who I am no longer dating, thank you), from my boss, and even from my manicurist. I've lost nearly 70 pounds at this point, gotten into the best physical condition of my adult life, and I feel a lot better about myself, but I really don't get these "don't lose any more," "don't lose too much weight," and "be careful how much weight you lose" comments.

At 5'8", 158-160 is not even close to too thin. The guy I was dating told me not to lose any more weight when I weighed 180.

All I want is a better cushion from an overweight BMI, a little less flab around the middle, and better physical fitness. I'm getting there with diet and exercise and I'm keeping healthy goals and methods in mind.

All I can figure is that people just don't have a good idea of what a healthy weight really is anymore. It's distorted by a majority overweight population and an irrationally thin media portrayal of what is beautiful. Talk about a disconnect between reality and "ideals."