"But you're TOO SKINNY!"

Has anyone else heard these words from anyone during your weightloss endeavours??  I spent Christmas with my family this year.  I hadn't seen my mother or sister for a few weeks.  When I walked in the door, my mother practically had a fit when she saw me.  She cried out how shocked she was by my appearance, how I'm too skinny, how she's really worried about me, etc....

However, I'm smack dab in the middle of my healthy BMI range, I've lost 60lbs at a rate of 2lbs per week, and my daily calories are never under 1400.  In my mind, I know that I'm not underweight (148 at 5'8), but the words really stung.  It felt like my family wasn't giving me credit for losing weight the smart way.  Are they jealous? Not sure.  Do they not believe it's possible to lose weight in a healthy way?  Another reason?

How have you handled comments like this?

I'm there with you. Some people think I look fine and others think I'm too thin. I lost about 20 lb. this past year although I still fight a tendency to binge eat. I'm 5'3 and try to stay 108-110. My blood sugar was becoming an issue so it was a health thing. I think people get used to seeing you a certain way and it surprises them to see you different. It may also be something they want to do themselves and have failed and instead of being happy for you they strike out. I just smile and tell them how I did it and offer to help them clean up their diet so that they can live a long and healthy life! I bet your doctor is happy for you--Let them know this. 

I agree -- other than possible jealousy and the like, I think it's just a shock to see such a huge difference, and instead of saying how WONDERFUL you look, they lash out. Personally, I think it's ridiculous. What's the matter with people? Don't they know that hurts?

My aunt went from a size 24 to a size 8 quite a few years ago.  My grandmother kept telling her you're annorexic you have to eat something.  She was walking about 5 miles a day and looked awesome. Can you Guess what happened? 

She finally had a break down from her own mother criticising that she was too skinny when she wasn't.  She ate a whole box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts, a whole entire Devil's Food Cake and a Pizza Sub that's about two feet long with extra everything all in one sitting.  The next morning she got up, threw out her excercise shoes and kept on eating. 

That was 9 years ago.  Today she is up to a size 34, needs knee replacement, is on three meds for BP, boarder line diabetic, exhausted all the time and has one kidney.  All of this because of her weight.  It took about 6 months for her to go from a size 8 up to an 18.   But her mother doesn't tell her she needs to eat anymore. 

So don't listen to your family.  It's more jealousy than anything.  AND from the mothers point of view you did something totally on your own without her help or instruction.  That in itself cuts to a mothers heart.  That is why the crticism is there.  One absolute sure way to back yourself up.  Let her and everyone else know that you became healthier so that you could live longer and ensure that you can take care of her when she is older and can not do it herself.  That will make her feel better. 

I know it's hard, but you can't allow your family to define who you are.  Sometimes you just have to let it roll off because confrontation usually doesn't work.  You might be able to deflect the comments by accepting them as complements and saying thank you.  Or you could just say that your doctor is very happy with your progress and that you feel great. 

I haven't lost that much, but I'm already getting comments from my mother, like "You don't want to lose too much".  I take everything she says with a grain or two of salt.  This is, after all, the woman who told me, back in 1995 to look on the bright side of having cancer because I'd finally lose weight.  I love her, but she's an insensitive, self centered, vain, witch.

mommahoney's story is cautionary for all of us - don't let what someone else thinks and says control what we do!  Even if it's mom.

My brother pulled this one on me too. There are days when I wish it was true, but I told him he was nutz... I am most assuredly NOT too skinny... I am still in the severely overweight catagory on the BMI. I just happen to be smaller than I have been since I graduated from High School 15 years ago and for the first time in his life I weigh less than he does.

I think that family means well, but sometimes they don't realize that what means good things to them means hurtful things to us. I have had plenty of these types of conversations over the past few months to realize that it all boils down to reading between the lines and moving foward in the face of it all.

Have a great new year!

I deal with the same problem ALL the time, not just from family, but from coworkers and friends.  They think and say that I'm too skinny.  I'm 135 pounds at 5'7" tall and I feel like I'm in the best shape of my life (since my teens), but the negative feedback I get from people that are close to me tends to make me paranoid and second guess myself.  Then I see someone I haven't seen in a while and they tell me how great I look and I am reassured... but sometimes, to my own eyes, even... I look scrawny.  I'm terrified to gain ANY weight back though, so I don't let up.  Want to stay just where I am, so to hell with the family members who tell me I need to gain 10-15 pounds!  Pffft! =)  I DO need to gain some muscle mass though.  Back to the weights with me!  Maybe yoga?

I have and do experience this.  I still weight 183, after losing 40 lbs.  Ten years ago I went from 280 to 125 and I was constantly ragged by friends and family to gain weight, eat something. So I did.

This time around, I couldn't care less what anyone thinks or says to me. My weight and eating habits are my business.

I get that all the time. And I know it's true. I always have had such a hard time gaining weight. Right now, I'm about 5' 1", and I weigh only 95 pounds. I always eat about 1500 calories, but it never seems to matter.

yeah i've had that same problem. it really bothers me, i'm eating ALL the time, i just dont eat a ridiculous amount. and people tell me 'start eating normal foods again' and im like, just cuz i'm eating carrots and lean meat and more fruit doesn't make that food NOT normal!!! i do eat chocolate and ice cream and pizza every now and then, too!!!! arrrr i know exactly what you mean, it's quite frustrating.

I get that all the time too,  including from my mother, siblings and co-workers, after losing 50+ lbs, and I just say that I'm healthier, I'm full of energy and I love it!!  When I was told I need to eat, I showed them that I DO EAT normal food, 5-meals a day, portion size, watch what I eat and NOT eating salads all the time!   Don't stress over these little comments, since you're doing the right thing.  Enjoy your weight loss and smile!!

I was in the drugstore yesterday and mentioned something about healthy eating and wanting to lose weight.  The guy there, who I've known for years, even when I was at my heaviest, asked me why I wanted to lose more weight!  Hellloooo??  I'm 282 pounds, that's why!!!  Now, granted, that's 40% less than my heaviest but still, I am VERY overweight!

Ya just gotta wonder sometimes...

I had a very interesting conversation with one of my cousins.  I went to see her, and she kept telling me to try a piece of cake.  I kept refusing, and she started getting a little testy, saying I was losing too fast, and a piece of cake won't hurt. 

So I asked if we could talk quietly in another room, away from the family.  I said - "You know I'm too fat, and you know I'm really making an effort to lose the weight and you know how hard it's been for me in the past.  Why would you do that to me?"  She didn't have an answer, except to say that for some reason she takes refusal as rejection.  I told her I love her.  She promised not to do it again.

Sometimes you just have to push the point and be frank.

I always get people who say, "but you don't need to lose weight". I always think to myself, I exercise and eat well to maintain, build muscle and lose a lb here or there. I look good because I exercise and eat well, if I stopped... I wouldn't. People don't get that. You can't just stop after you reach your goal. That weight will come right back!

In many people's cases, I think other's are so used to seeing you heavier that to them you are a toothpick now.

yeah its all cause there jealous! ive lost 100 pounds i was a size 28 or bigger! now im a size 9 and everybody says i look sick and need to gain some weight back and i tell them GAIN SOME BACK ! I GOT 20 MORE POUNDS TO LOSE! LOL! im sure you look great and feel 110% better! so keep up the good work!

Yeah I get that too.  My father is convinced that I have an eating disorder.  I saw him at Thanksgiving after being laid up with a dislocated knee and GAINING 14 lbs and the first thing he said when he saw me was "wow, you're looking too skinny"

Some people just have a warped idea of what "healthy" looks like too.  Pretty much everyone in my family is overweight, so when I was pushing into the 150s, they still thought that was "normal."  Now that I've dropped a bunch of weight and I'm in the middle of a healthy weight range, they think I have an eating disorder.  *shrug* what can ya do?

Wow, I just had this talk with my father not 10 minutes ago. I'm a college student, 5'6 and I've lost about 60lbs in the last 7 and a half months and now weigh 136.5, only 1.5 away from my end goal. Since about 15 pounds ago people in my family have been telling me to stop because they think I'm getting too thin. At the same time I've been thinking to go 5 pounds more in order to get a BMI of 21. I can't tell if they are right or just not used to seeing me like this. I think I'm going to ask someone outside the family who I trust to tell me the truth and if they think it would be unhealthy for me to go for the extra 5 pounds. Maybe finding someone who I know will give me an honest answer will help me figure out what to do, I really don't want to develop an ED which I think would be all too easy to this point since I'm starting to find it hard to force myself to eat more than the 1200 calories I have been eating every day for so long now.

I also plan to go see the free nutrutionist once I go back to college to get some advice about maintaining that is more tailored to me then anything online can be. I'm sure they will be able to tell me if I'm getting unhealthy without having the same bias my family does.

My dad always asks me if I'm eating enough, even though I haven't even lost any weight yet. My mom thinks I've lost a lot of weight just because I told her I'm trying to diet. She's the type of person who can be fed placebos and suddenly all her aches and pains will be gone. My boyfriend says I'm too skinny because you can barely see my ribs. I think I have at least eight more pounds to lose.

I get comments from people when they offer me junk food or a soda and I say no.  Its funny sometimes, but I can feel vibes of  anger or annoyance when I make healthy diet choices in front of some people.  I work as a teacher and some of the other instructors poke fun at my salad and lean protein lunch everyday.  "Why are you eating like that?  You don't need to lose weight!".  I always smile and say, "I look like this because I eat like this.".  It seems to shut some of them up.

I think some of it has to do with a basic misconception about nutrition.  Most have no idea what a serving size is, or how to lose weight in a healthy manner and get jealous when they see someone eating well.  As far as parents are concerned, all they see is their child, and sometimes a self directed change on a child's part shows independance and that can be threatening to a parent.  Explaining why and how you are dieting correctly may help.  Explain BMI, what your goals are and enlist their support.  A diet doesn't have to be bad, it can be a positive 

I liked how you talked with your cousin clairelaine.  Being blunt might be the trick with folks who don't get the picture.  Bravo!

However I know when people are concerned versus interested.  If I had a student who went from healthy to skeletal in bodyweight I would never pass judgement on them in front of others.  There is obviously some problem going on there so my approach would be different.  Do you think that the ones closest to us feel some sort of license to be jerky?  I know that I say things to my boyfriend that I would never say to another person, and him to me.  We love one another so we also admit when we are being mean to one another and apologize.  Sometimes family just doesn't get it. *sigh*

I always smile and say, "I look like this because I eat like this.".  It seems to shut some of them up....
A diet doesn't have to be bad, it can be a positive...
I look good because I exercise and eat well, if I stopped... I wouldn't. People don't get that. You can't just stop after you reach your goal. That weight will come right back! ...
*scribbling notes*

With me, unless you are my mom/dad/sis/bro/husband, you will think I am crazy for exercising everyday. My rib cage bones ALWAYS visible, no matter if I weigh 100 or 125 or probably more. That's just how it is :/ Same like my wrists, all bones. (If someone can tell me how to put meat in to those area please tell me. Just don't ask me to eat more, coz that is not the solution).

Adding meat to those areas, wrists and ribcage, are tough if you have a large frame and low bodyfat.  I read Mastering the Zone recently and Dr. Sears says that a visible ribcage while standing with ones arms overhead is an indiciation of a body fat % in the teens ( i think...i will reread that part and get back to you).  I can see mine too, although I have done abdominal work in the past to beef up those areas.  As far as wrists, I'm bony there too.  No help for that....

Get a bodyfat test, see where your percentage is and then modify your intake..not eat more but modify what you eat.

I know I sound geeky but its really about numbers.  If you know your lean body mass and fat mass, you can get enough protein to maintain your lean body mass and even gain muscle and not be so bony.  Then you can play with carbs and fat to get a pleasing sexy shape to your body while maintaining your caloric goals within reason.  Going too low in calories will not give us lean sexy curves, just pointy bony ones.