"You're So Skinny...

...you have to run around in the shower to get wet."

That is my best friend's favorite joke about me. Anyways, I was wondering if anyone else has any funny or mean things people have said to them about being thin or underweight.

I'm recovering from a lifetime of Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome (never heard if it? See the Wikipedia article I wrote) which causes severe emaciation. I used to be 74 lbs (12.5 BMI), but now, three months after surgery, I have battled my way up to 81 lbs (Improvement! But, I still have a long way to go...) I am 20 years old and 5'4.5".  Thanks to small-frame genetics and my gastrointestinal condition, I've always been the "littlest" kid in the class while growing up, and until today, I am frequently mistaken for being in my early teens.

That said, I have far too many of these "you're so skinny" incidents to list. (A lifetime of comments, literally...) I'll just rehash a few recent ones.

Last semester, after being weighed by a nurse at the Student Health Center, I was waiting for the doctor to come when she struck up some *casual* conversation . . . after a few minutes she asked me if I eat three meals a day, which I thought was odd of her to suddenly bring up, and I said yes, I do. And then, after a bit more "chat" she slipped in a strange question rather out-of-the-blue: "Do you purge after meals sometimes?" I was completely baffled because, at the time, I didn't even know what "purge" means, so I asked her. She said (rather uncomfortably) that purge means to vomit. So, I stared at her, horrified, and was like “What? No!”

A couple months ago, at bible study, the preacher called us to a special time of fasting throughout the week, skipping one meal a day for seven days. Then, after the meeting, when he was talking with the people at my table, he looked right over at me and said, in front of everyone, "You’re excused from the fast." I just kind of looked at him, too embarrassed/mortified to say anything in response. So he insisted, "Really, I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to do it. I mean it."

I was at a birthday party a few weeks ago and I decided to wear a skirt for the first time in a long time. One of my guy-friends actually walked up to me, looked at my legs, and started telling me that his sister's health is so bad right now and that she can no longer keep up with her job because she is tired all the time. So, I give him my condolences and such, then I ask him what is making his sister sick. He gets all serious and quiet, and says, "She's anorexic." Then, there is this long pause, and he adds (glancing at my legs again): "I've been meaning to ask you . . . are you suffering from an eating disorder too? 'Cause I notice you are really, really thin." I just kind of looked at him for a while, not sure where to start. I didn't really want to go on a tirade about my weird condition, so I just told him I had a syndrome that causes emaciation, but I had surgery for that and am now recovering. Not sure if he believes me.

I think I'll be sticking to long-pants and long-sleeved shirts from now on.

About one month ago, I was at my dad's work, extremely proud with myself for reaching my ideal body weight and getting my doctor's okay with it. That changed rather quickly when I went to go chat with my dad's coworkers, whom had all heard of my gallbladder issues and weight loss. One of them commented, "How much do you weigh now, 89 pounds dripping wet?" to which I replied,"No, try 120 pounds--the ideal for 5'4." She seemed sincerley shocked. I've worked so hard to gain over 40 pounds, and the lady thinks that I'm still scrawny and underweight! It hurt just as much as if I were losing weight and reached my goal only to have someone comment that I could really stand to lose some weight. Argh. Why can't people just worry about their own weight and quit harrasing everyone that they consider inperfect? I understand that they just want to help, but these comments really do more harm than good.

This is thread has so many cool people on here. I hope nobody minds, I am over weight and wanted to see what the "Other side" looked like. I have written once before. I have lost 1/3 of my weight goal so far. I have been on my "Diet" since the begining of Feb. Nobody I know has mentioned one thing about my weight loss. I am truly lucky to have such good friends that have never said anything, but are they good friends for not saying anything? I think so, because it would have been uncomfortable to them I guess. I have read many things about the problems people have gaining weight. It seems to me that there is more out there than stuff for people that need t loos weight, stuff that makes since that is. Yes, I know if I eat a piece of lettiuce and run for three hours I will loose weight. I wonder how much we could learn from each other. If anyone is interested in having a conversation with me. Please write. I will keep looking, and I will also make sure I tell people about other peoples feelings. ZI think it is importaint for everyone to learn from each other. It make everyone better! Thanks!

C8

Wow, c8yleeca, you seem like such an earnest and sympathetic person  :)   It seems as though genuine willingness to look from the eyes of those on the other side of the fence is a rare attribute these days, so I seriously applaud you.  In general, I have not encountered much support from those around me in my struggles with being underweight, mainly because most people are automatically inclined to think that it's easy for anyone to gain.  My condition (SMA Syndrome) is so rare, it's existence is even controversial in the medical community... So, I guess it's understandable that many people are not willing to believe me when I tell them about it, assuming that I really must have an eating disorder instead (which I do not.  But, no offense to those who do - my heart goes out to you; goodness, there is so much stigma thrust upon you in society!)

Ironically enough, when I was losing weight through over-excercising and over-restricti ng the "you're so skinny" comments and "you can stop losing weight now" just fuelled my desire to work out harder.  I wanted people to say "you look fit" or "you look strong," so I would ultimately add more excercise each day and be more strict with my eating.

Hmm..I guess I percieve those comments a little differently than others: instead of getting offended, I just end up feeling like I'm 'not doing enough'.  And then when I feel like I'm 'not doing enough' I start eating less and excercising more b/c I guess the little struggle of it makes me feel more 'productive'...heh..I kinda feel like I don't particularly fit in here, but thinking about this has helped me realize something about the way things seem to affect my habits..hehe..and typing it out and reading it back to myself helps me see how backwards my thinking can become..hmm..

kate- perhaps you feel like you're "not doing enough" because the comments make you more aware that people are looking and forming opinions about your body/weight.  i know for myself, that i prefer not to have anyone comment on my appearance good or bad, because it makes me more self concious.  i tend to always put a negative spin on things because i feel like there's always something i should be doing better.  i try to remind myself that it's not really what other people are saying or thinking that is making me feel insecure, but rather i twist their words in my mind to justify my insecuries!

That's how I am too cerealaddiction!

Then I get lectured on how I'm too negative and always twist things because those comments are MEANT to be positive, or express concern in some cases.  The tone of voice used would suggest otherwise though =P

People are always saying, oh yeah it doesn't matter to me what size you are, I still love you!  But when they constantly comment on your size it makes it seem like they pay a lot more attention to it than they are willing to admit.

I am wondering, not out loud, already did that, but in writing. Perhaps people do not know how to say what they are thinking. "Hey, you look like you might need someone to talk to  and I am here?" IN my experience, and I am as old as rocks, MOST, People are not mean. Especially when it comes to peoples feelings. I am not sure what I would say to a person that was real thin. Except, I do truly envy them. Please note, I have had a weight problem all my life. I have never been able to fit in clothes. I have even been to the point where I did not fit in chairs. I know I have a problem, and I think I was waiting for someone to help me. ( I think this is the big difference between over weight people and others.) It seems to me that people that need to gain weight are in such a strong place with their self control. I know I can do anything, but I do not know I can loose weight.

I have looked at some of the diets that people are prescribed, I have never ate that way, and can not see where people would gain weight, and actually think if I had to eat like that I just might loose weight. With me Dr.'s prescribe an boiled egg for breakfast, a piece of lettuce for lunch and an egg and a piece of lettucefor dinner. Oh and any health problem, is because I am over weight. You have a cough.... you need to loose weight. Your hair is turning purple, it is because you need to loose weight.... well not that bad, but almost. 

I think people that are having issues with gaining weight, or maybe loosing too much weight , are such strong minded individuals, who tend to accomplish so much. The one thing I can identify with is , I do not see myself, as others do. I hardly ever look in the mirror. When I do it is just to see if I am putting makeup on okay, if I am dressed neatly. I never see me. From what I have seen and read, neither do people that need to gain weight.

I am not here to offend anyone, and I do not want to hurt anyone feelings. I just really need to understand. Any comment back is good. I am hoping to loose the rest of my weight and learn how to keep it gone. Any question you might have for me. Ask away. And thank you so much for allowing me to not only read your blog, but participate in it.  

I hate the comments! I make jokes about myself sometimes, but it's really just to ward off people doing it first. I thought it was pretty funny/ maybe offensive that for halloween I said I was going to dress up as a skeleton and make people feel really uncomfortable. I think it woudl have been fun lol, though I didn't actually do it.

What really makes me mad is my mom when she starts lecturing me about needing to gain faster, or when I want to wear certain clothes. She'll tell me I need to hurry up and gain a lot of weight because I'm going to want to go to the beach or go swimming this summer and I won't be able to put on a swimsuit. She does the same thing with shorts or skirts. Or she tells me not to go shopping because nothing will look good on me. Apparently unless your body is perfect you can't wear certain clothes?!?! I get so mad at her, what if I said oh sorry you can't go to the beach because your too fat to put on a swimsuit? That sort of comment woudl be completely innapropriate. She also freaks any time I get some sort of activity. Like if I walk the dog, she goes "did you eat after?! you better have stuffed yoruself after to make up for the calories! you can't afford that!"

I did the AIDS walk back in march, slow and not a big deal but I did bring some granola bars to eat along the way which my friend and I joked about because I'm always eating and she likes to tease me, so some of her friends got to hear that and I sort of explained my story. so afterwards I of course did want to go eat lunch and I was saying bye to the group I had been with, and one guy goes, "oh are you gonna go throw up now?".

Some people just don't have mental filters. I'm glad other people understand!

One of the guys I work with yelled out to our supervisor last week, "Ahh, there's a skeleton in the pool!" (I'm a lifeguard/swimming instructor). It took me a second to realize that he was referring to me... (I thought maybe there was some nasty bug floating around or something...but no, just me).

Oh, they also instituted a new policy at work (I think) largely because of me. We wear fanny packs with first aid equipment in them and we used to pass them off to whoever was rotating us. Anyways, I have a really tiny waist so I always had to tighten it so that it wouldn't fall off my hips, and everyone who had to wear it after me always commented on how small it was, how annoying it was to have to adjust it, how they could barely fit it around their neck, blah blah blah. At the training where they told us that instead of trading off fanny packs we would all just get our own before we started guarding because it "takes too long to adjust them when the person passing it off to you is this big *holds up fingers an inch apart from each other*". Someone yelled out "Amber!" and EVERYONE stared at me. Ya, thanks guys.

Another joke I heard before that was mildly offensive was: What is a size 2 even for? People on life support? And I guess a 0 is for the ones who didn't make it... Guess what, I'm a 0 and I'm still alive jerks.

At school this one kid decided to be rude and ask if I was on crack because I was to thin??? What the hell?? So yeah I get those comments.

Today at Barnes & Noble a woman "whispered" to another woman and said "Eww look at her arms", referring to me and the lack of muscle on my arms. I looked at them both and smiled and said, "excuse me?" and they appeared to be embarassed. Tsk tsk.

when i was in middle school i think my friends were jealous or something cuz i was thin. i was like barely barely in the healthy range or else a lil underweight n they always called me rail.

also one that stuck with me was when my swim coach's daughter called me a really really skinny jelly bean O___o err wtf !!?! lol

*edit* oh ya most kids at my school called me tweaker as well

Okay, just another random thought. All these stupid, inconsiderate people that are saying things to you, are not paying attention to you. If they were they would know you have a heart. They would know that it hurts your heart to hear such things. Perhaps instead of people making random comments to you , they should try to get to know you. Then they would see you are trying to gain weight in many circumstances. Perhaps then, instead of making hurtful comments, they could be doing helpful things, like being supportive.

It is my wish to believe that people are not all mean and inconsidderate. (Some are I know) I really think most of the time people are just not thinking about what they say and how it will impact others. Perhaps we should become the authority and teach them how to be civil?

Please tell me what you think!

C8

One of my biggest pet peeves as well. drives me nuts! People will say "your so skinny, you dont eat do you?" and sometimes i am tempted to respond by say ing "i eat plenty... but your so fat. you must eat tons."  somehow it would be cruel and horrible if i were to say that, even though what they said was just as bad...  

hehe, i get told, "eat eat Christmas is coming" or "you could fit into dolls clothes" or "you have chicken legs"  i hate my legs

Good point, c8yleeca - people don't always think before they speak, no matter the intention behind the words!  It's unfortunate but true.

New story to add to my first post:  A couple of days ago, I stood on a body-fat percentage scale in my doctor's office and got an error message. (Apparently there wasn't enough to detect). Then I stood on a normal scale, and when the nurse saw my number, she kept pushing the reset button, thinking the scale was malfunctioning.  When I told her that was my real weight, she called me a "tall kid" (I'm an average-hight woman!) and asked me when I'm starting high school (I graduated in 2005). 

I thinkit is so interesting how similar our life's are the same, yet our problems are totally opposite! There must be a middle for us?

I am new to this site, here is my story.

I am from philadelphia, pa. One of the cities where most people are overweight. Due to this fact people stare, laugh, point, call me anorexic, make throwing up noises when they see me etc. This had torn apart the way i have seen myself. I have been this way since the first grade (now i am 22) and have only gotten taller. I weigh 113 and stand at 5'8". Currently i am taking a psychology class at temple u, i am afraid to go in the class the day we talk about anorexia, I know that someone whill say something to me. When i was little i worked in oc new jersey, and this man came up to me and was forcing me to take this card that was targeting teens with easting disorders. I screamed at him, but he said :I know them when i see them: Everyday i mind my own business, but it just wont quiet.

My anorexia really started getting bad while I was working at this video store with a boss that was a little mentally unstable.  I once saw her as a friend but when I really needed help, she would not take my side.  Instead she would make snide comments about me in front of the customers and coworkers.  She would exclaim things like, "Her boobs have totally disappeared!  She has no bust!  Her arms look like Angelina Jolie's!  She looks like a skeleton!  She looks like a twelve-year-old boy!"  It was so embarrassing and I felt scrutinized all the time.  And the customers... oh God the customers.  They were regulars, people I saw every day, because I live in a small town.  Almost every single FREAKIN day one would ask if I was sick, did I have cancer, did I feel all right, etc.  Old men would say "Don't blow away on us now!"  or "Don't lose any more weight!"  One guy actually just said to my face, "Are you, like, anorexic or something?"  Needless to say I felt scrutinized and humiliated all the time.  Finally I just quit because I hated feeling that way, especially after I found out that my boss was gossipping about my ED to other customers behind my back.  When I quit, she pretty much said she was glad, because she was embarrassed to have someone with an eating disorder working at her store.  Keep in mind, this was a long-time friend of my family, someone who had (in the past) supported me in everything I had done.  Then she just totally turned her back on me.  I'm so glad I work at Subway now, lol.  Everyone just minds their own business.