You're not ugly, you're insecure

I'm sorry, but it's about time that someone finally says this.

Some of us here on YCC sound like immature dimwits. I'm not pointing anyone out and I'm definitely not saying that this is true of everyone -- but, I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about.

Trust me, losing 10, 20 or 100lbs isn't going to make you feel more attractive or confident unless you change your mindset.

I know it's hard. Everyone is telling you that you have to look a certain way to be loved, accepted or noticed. You want to be drop dead gorgeous. You want to look like Jessica Alba (or whomever). Honey, it isn't going to happen -- unless you pay some professionals to imitate that look.

If you want to feel more beautiful, try gaining confidence rather than losing weight.

Oh, and ladies, remember this -- you aren't ugly. You're all beautiful. If you allow society to make you believe that you're ugly simply because you don't fit into some sort of mold, well, that's a bit sad. 

So remember, you aren't ugly, you're just insecure -- but that's okay, a lot of us are. So, rise above it. Be a strong, beautiful young woman. Start right now. =)

I totally agree with this and this is something I especially feel people with ED's learn as a lesson later down the road when they are in recovery. They feel "Oh, I'll get to this weight and be beautiful and happy."...They get there aren't satisfied they still see flaws...but it isn't fat...it's what the main thing in their mind is playing, but no...it's their lack of confidence in themselves. It doesn't matter if you are 10 pounds underweight, healthy BMI Range, or 20 pounds overweight...if you have confidence you will accept yourself in any of these circumstances. If you don't well..then you will never be satisfied no matter what that damn number demon (the scale) says. You have to work on yourself more inwardly more so then on the outside.

It just takes so much more energy pretending to be something or someone else then just being YOU. Give yourselves a break. God gave you a body, a story, a life to be your own we only have so much time in our lives to actually live so LIVE it. It's exhausting and wasteful to concern it all on an image instead of just saying this is me, I'm unique. No one is quite like me and sure so and so has this, but they will never have certain qualities that I have. I'm proud to be me.

I'm glad you agree!

You're definitely a rarity here in YCC. =)

I know that a lot of teens here won't take this seriously/won't read this post, but I thought it was worth a shot.

I think we need more of these "tough love" style threads. It's the only thing that gets through to teen minds.

Reply actually there is a whole group of ladies (( I don't think any guys have joined yet))  on here that feel the same way.  I"m so glad I found them, other wise a lot of this surreal talk and unrealistic expectations would have driven me away.  I've never been on a "diet" in my life and don't even want to be on one.  But I am ready to have a little bit healthier life style.   

Check these ladies out here:

http://caloriecount.about.com/trying-skinny-c lub-ft110254

I hope some of these poor chickas get the message.    Because... seriously there is nothing attractive about having your bones sticking out of your flesh at angles, looking like extras for a bad zombie movie.   If your not comfortable in your own skin, not amount of weight loss, or weight training, or jogging is going to hide that or change it.

Good luck!

I agree. I KNOW no-one will prefer me 5 lbs ligther from this, and that it wouldn't even really make any difference or even show on me... But I still find it SO DAMN hard to believe it. Its like "I gotta be 106 lbs to be accepted." Thats just plain stupid, I know! I had friends when I was 152 lbs, I have friends now when Im 111 lbs, they dont really care of how much I weigh. I just have to learn to accept myself and forget the scale. Im working on it.

I lost 50 pounds.


I'm more confident, focused and driven.

I'm not shy anymore.


I'm happier now; so I completely disagree.

That's just it though -- as you lost weight, you also gained confidence. Luckily, for you, the 2 went hand in hand. This isn't the case for many girls. Some can lose 50lbs and still feel unhappy with themselves.  

Yeah but not all of them.


Girls that're overweight normally are because they have low confidence and don't think they CAN lose weight.


I mean, if a girl that's 120 pounds and 5'5" thinks that losing 5 pounds will make her truly happy...she's mistaken.


But I think that weight loss, for almost anyone, boosts confidence.

It can definitely boost confidence but its not an instant cure for happiness. We're talking about two different things here. I think what she's trying to say is that girls who look at weightloss as a solution to everything need to reevaluate their way of thinking.

You should lose weight to be healthy, and for yourself, not so you can be accepted or because you think your life will be any better if youre thinner.

Original Post by laur3nmae:

You should lose weight to be healthy, and for yourself, not so you can be accepted or because you think your life will be any better if youre thinner.

But, I think only a very few teenagers (if any) start to try to lose weight because they want to be healthy. They just want to "get thin and be happy". Thats how it was for me. I never even had any health issues even when I was 152 lbs, it was all about getting thin...

true, if you are secure you are confident and beautiful but trust me, at 122-123 lbs is way easier to be like that than it was at 165 lbs!:)):))

Original Post by ieevee:

Original Post by laur3nmae:

You should lose weight to be healthy, and for yourself, not so you can be accepted or because you think your life will be any better if youre thinner.

But, I think only a very few teenagers (if any) start to try to lose weight because they want to be healthy. They just want to "get thin and be happy". Thats how it was for me. I never even had any health issues even when I was 152 lbs, it was all about getting thin...

I know thats the way it is, but can you understand how its not the right way to go about it though..? I've had those thoughts too. Almost every day i do but i have to keep reminding myself that id rather be healthy than skinny.

you kow- i dont agree with that. i dont think people should coin the phrase big and beautiful becasue guess what? you CAN be big and beautiful, but you CANT be big and healthy. I dont eat right and work out for people to look at me, i do it for the feeeling of fulfillment, the pride i have in knowing i feel good becasue i gave myself the power to. yes, you should love yourself, but you need to love yourself by treating yourself right, and getting healthy, not accepting your poor health and pretending its okay.

I think there's another issue that needs to be addressed here. Although I completely agree with you, not all of the YCCers you directed this post at are just trying to be thin. For girls like me, it's also about control. It's about everything else in your life beating you down and finding calorie restriction as a source of consistency. Obviously, I acknowledge that this logic is terribly flawed. I also realize that many of the girls on here are TRYING to become anorexic without understanding how much a living nightmare it is. I applaud you for writing this, and I agree that weight issues are often just a cover for low self-esteem and lack of confidence. However, there are girls out there who feel the same way you do, but who are trapped in this mode of thinking because it's so difficult to beat an enemy that's in your own head. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hate feeling like I'm being placed in a category with these girls because I, too, aspire for that physical "perfection". I just want you all to know that not all of us are trying to be this way. Once you get sucked in, it's more than just a challenge to get out. It's a battle that consumes you every day of your life.

I just know I've heard a lot of girls say I need to be thin to be pretty or if I got really skinny then I would be pretty..which is a load of B.S. It's great to be healthy, but the mindset that you have to be skinny to be worth anyones time or to be looked at is unhealthy. You have to work inwardly first to be ultimately healthy outside.

"It's a battle that consumes you every day of your life."

What a good way to put it ^^

I wish I could get out of this mindset. I'm not anorexic by any means, but I have this mindset that if I lost a few more pounds I will look better. I tell myself day in and day out to stop counting calories, but it seems like I can't. I'll be counting calories without even actually thinking about counting them. Then a little bell goes off in my head and it says "You're counting again! I thought we agreed we would stop!" It's so hard. Why can't I just accept myself? I wish I knew how.

This is something I need to work on more than anything. I was really uncomfortable at 140lb when I first started being involved in nutrition and fitness. I got down to 120lbs and was happier, but then it got worse... so what's 5 more lbs.... what's 5 more lbs... I ended up at 105lbs at 5'7 and looked gross. I'm back up to 115lbs but everyday is a struggle. I like to weight myself first thing in the morning everyday and I want to stay around 113-116, so when I see the scale shoot up to 117 one day its awful, I restrict, exercise and night binge. I hate it. and honestly... what's the DIFFERENCE!! NO ONE NOTICES!!!! 

I'm just in college so I just don't want my weight getting out of hand and before you know it, 117 turns into 125 to 130, to back where I started miserable and unconfident, but even now, I'm not confident. and it's what i need to work on most. I know I'm not ugly and what's funny, is when I'm out, I don't really care about it that much either, I assert myself with making friends and meeting people. Its a self thing... but i'll get there someday!

Thanks for making this and good luck to everyone!